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Comedy Examples

Sample of lab lunch emails I send out every Friday to the Man-Vehicle Lab inviting everyone to a group lunch on Fridays =).

Astronaut Questions

Hi guys,
So after yesterday's lunch with astronauts, I took on their invitation to send Dava an email with further questions that she would forward to them. And they responded! Check out answers below. Full disclosure, I'm sure they were a little celebration happy when responding.

  • What does space smell like?  Does it smell like the Muddy Bar?
  • ○ It does when there is more than one russian.
  • Do you enjoy swimming now more than you did before because its the closest thing to floating?
  • ○ My bathing suit is a space suit. The biosuit is essentially a full body speedo.
  • What part of the world looks coolest from space?
  • ○ Your mom.
  • On your first week back on Earth, do you sometimes have a lag in acclimating to gravity and just release your sandwich expecting it to float?
  • ○ This is why astronauts are not legally allowed in daycares.
  • Did you ever brew your own beer while in college?
  • ○ I was constantly drinking. Where do you think the nickname Buzz came from?
  • Is there a legal age for drinking in space?  Are you allowed to drink on the ISS leisurely?
  •   ○ We are usually conducting experiments. Last time, I was studying the effects of daily consumption of whiskey on my body, in space. Results are inconclusive.
  • What are dreams like in space?
  • ○ Upside down.
  • If space was privatized, and a brothel opened up, what would it be called?
  • ○ Gravitity
  • Advice for MVL students?
  • ○ Never trust your farts.
  • Do you ever get home sick, but miss space?
  • ○ All the time. That sh*t is dope, yo.
  • Do you have a specific meal that you eat before flight?
  • ○ Beantown
  • What was the feeling of being back on Earth?  Relief?  Or did you just crave the crunchiest, messiest food and not any more dried food?
  • ○ We usually go to Beantown post-landing
  • What is one thing that all of your training never prepared you for?
  • ○ Escapees.
  • Anything you regret not doing in space?
  • ○ Your mom.
  • Do you find yourself saying, "Pshh, been there, done that" after watching space movies?
  • ○ I say it after seeing your mom.
  • When you arrive back on Earth from a long mission, do you ever feel like captain america and not understand current and inside jokes that occurred while you were out of this world?
  • ○ Nah, we can upload pictures to our Myspace pages from the ISS.
  • Tell me your worst astronaut joke.
  • ○ Jack Fischer. that guy hasn’t even flown!
    ○ Shut up guys.

Career Fair

A guide to navigating aerospace companies at a career fair

Fresh Prince of Bel Air Parody

Two things,
First,first-years have not been formally introduced Second, Allie, the best 90's Karaoke-er I know, wants us all to come out today and dance.

Why not both?!

There are only two kinds of people in this world; Those who have never heard of the fresh prince of bel-air theme song, and those who know it by heart.
○ If you have never listened to the song (tsk tsk), go here.
○ If you know it by heart, go here and sing along with the lyrics below.

MVL First-Years
(Set to the tune of the Fresh Brince of Bel-Air)

Now, this is a story all about how
Ill introduce the newbies, go ahead, bow
Id like to take a minute, just sit right there
And tell you how they all became a part of the MVL

In Shawne, Kanses, born and raised
Is where Tony the Tiger spent most of his days
Chillin, relaxing, and playing ultimate
But he doesn’t like frosted flakes, "they'rrrrrrre adequate."

When a couple of rabbits, who were up to some trix
Started making fun about his bicycle kicks.
He got on one little bike, and peddled like hell
And made his way safely to the MVL

Someone whistled at Sabrina, she got pissed pulled their ear
Their face said sorry, she still made them disappear
If anything I could say is that im no snitch
But I think I just saw Sabrina the teenage witch

She, pulled, up to her house, about 7 or 8
Rowdy texans were waiting, deciding her fate
Waved to her family, hoped on a gazelle
And rode it all the way to the MVL

Now, this is a part, about starting over
Turning a new leaf, a rose, and a clover
I'd like to take a minute to restart this song
Cus honestly, I didn’t think this would be this long.

In Oregon City, born and raised
Singing songs is how she spent most of her days
Dye-ing her hair and adjusting her bandana
OMG! I just got it, I think shes Hannah Montana

Sees a couple of guys, so she hopped on a train
All her fans were chasing including lil wayne!
She needs one little spot, a place, like a cell
She gonna fit in perfectly into the MVL.

Richard whistled for a cab, down in guatemala
Failed prank on his mind, and a pet stuffed koala
If anything I could say from what I could see
He was likely gonna wear the koala as a goatee

He, pulled, up to the lab around 7 or 8
His prank life behind him, "HST set me straight"
Looked at his kingdom, his new clientele
Gotta show my koala trick to the whole MVL.

MVL Weekly News
Graduates Dating Undergrads

Good morning everyone,
In the midst of looking for a UROP coordinator, stories of graduate students dating (and then marrying) their UROPs have risen. Although this is generally frowned upon, the remaining few of us in the lab that are not married and have yet to find true love and are not jealous of you guys at all have discussed this idea. Potential benefits for graduate students dating their UROPs include not paying for their meals since the department pays the UROP, you get a first hand experience of a different kind of human factors, and, probably the most important, in the bedroom, you will always be graduates, and they will always be under graduates. Ba dum tss. Either way, this controversial issue raises a lot of questions.

  1. How do you first apply to get a UROP?
  2. Do you ask your advisor, or is there a dating profile list somewhere where their pictures are posted?
  3. Do you just find them lying around on Mass ave?
  4. Are they what happens when a grad student dates an undergrad?
  5. Or was it a graduates student named Steve's past research project where he was trying to develop the ultimate grad student in a centrifuge, a being that would do everyone's research in the lab, but he got a great job offer after his Master's in a camouflage shirt making factory with windows, so he had to finish his experiment early and instead made the ultimate undergraduate student because he didn't give it enough time to mature?
  6. Who wears camouflage shirts anyways?
  7. Have you ever seen anyone wear a camouflage shirt? You shouldn't.
  8. Or are they just regular undergrads that wizards put a curse on that force them to work in labs before they are grad students?
  9. What do you think undergrads did to the wizard to deserve such punishment?
  10. Do you think wizards are lonely?
  11. Do you think grad students are lonely?
  12. Is it the lack of windows in the lab?
  13. Should they install more windows, or will that just turn it into a fish bowl looking lab where people come watch us in our natural habitat?
  14. Can they feed us?
  15. What will they feed us?
  16. Will it be fish food?
  17. I'm allergic to fish, but do fish eat fish?
  18. Is fish food made out of fish food?
  19. Do you think fish realize that eating another fish is our form of cannibalism?
  20. Can you imagine if one day Tony walks from his office to the main lab, but he forgets to make a left, and end ups going all the way past the VR room into Sherrie's corner, and they are like, "Heeeeeey Sherrie," and she like "Hi, Tony, How'it going? Been a long time since someone made it this far" and he's all like "Oh man! I cant find my way home" and they both go on a Finding Nemo type of adventure within the lab that people walking on Vassar watch?
  21. The real question is, "has nemo found himself?"
  22. I'm getting side tracked aren't I?
  23. Should I get a UROP?
  24. Should I be afraid because I hear they are ridiculously smart and might over shadow me?
  25. Or should I embrace that and convince them to write my thesis?
  26. Do I have to write a thesis?
  27. Seriously?!
  28. How long should it be?
  29. If I make my UROP write my thesis, will there be a lot of spelling mistakes and "LOLs" in it?
  30. Will Leia be ok with that?
  31. Its her fault since she got me the UROP in the first place, right?
  32. What else did she expect me to do with a UROP?
  33. Mentor them?!
  34. Between my all of two classes, do I have time for that?
  35. Is it true that UROPs take an average of 6 classes while they do research in a lab?
  36. How do they find time for all that?
  37. Is the want to do research as an undergrad a disease, or do they have Asperger's?
  38. Is it rude for me to ask?
  39. Even if I try to play it off later like I was joking?
  40. Is the Asperger's a side effect of Steve's science experiment?
  41. Ugh, Steve, right?
  42. If so, do you think it was worth it?
  43. How far down this path are we willing to go?
  44. If there was a drug that guaranteed the general health of your child until they obtained their PhD, but resulted in instant death .001% of the time, would you give it to your baby?
  45. Should we be investing in this type of technology when we colonize Mars?
  46. Or should we just send UROPs and call it a day?
  47. Or call it a martian day?
  48. Is Mars really called the red planet because during the cold war it sided with the communists?
  49. If we send UROPs to Mars, will they turn communist?
  50. Or all they already communist?
Thank you for your time.

Workload Rating Scale

A handy guide to rate the new MVL couch